Merry Christmas! 'Tis the season to be jolly...if you're oblivious. There it was, you knew there had to be a twist...but let me explain myself before you just discount me as another cliche holiday Grinch.

Let me tell you why I love Christmas, and then we'll move on to other things. Christmas is a time for Celebration of Christ's birth, and for taking stock of one's life and realizing just how great life can be. Those two things are enough to make anyone happy if they actually think about it.

Now that I have that out of the way...I hate christmas time.

I am whole-heartedly not sure which i dislike more...the idiot driving in front of me who goes 12 mph because there is an inch of snow on the grass and the road is slightly wet, or the fact that everyone, and by everyone I mean most everyone, has a grumpy look on their face as they "merrily" drive to the toy store to spread their holiday cheer. My point is this: there are more angry people and idiots on the road at Christmas time.

It isn't that at christmas time, the idiots take over the world...it is that the ratio grows. What ratio Luke? Well, i am so glad you asked.

Let's say that at a given time there are 10 people on a road. 2 of them are old, 2 of them are teens, 4 of them are business people, and 2 of them are women. That makes for 8 idiotic drivers on the road at a time (I counted out two of the business people because somebody has to have their head on straight). So if on a given day we can see the ratio of 4/5 drivers as the amount of mentally handicapped drivers on the road, then on Christmas we can say with 100,000 drivers on a given road at a given time, there will be 80,000 socially retarded people out making my life the abyss that it is.

So that accounts for the idiots. But then we have to take into account that three of the business people are angry and 1.75 of the 2 old people are angry (I say 1.75 becasue the other old person is only angry 75% of the time...that is when she is with her grandchildren). So in the end...90% of all the people on the road are either mildly retarded or angry (I probably fall into the angry category...just being honest). Anyway, that is 90,000 people that are out to take my life...but then the fun begins...I have Christmas at my house with the Snyder side of the family.

For those of you who have never had the joy of a Snyder christmas (and that is darn near all of you) count your blessings. Imagine this: My family (six grown boys, a sister in-law, two children, and my parents: that's 11 people) and my Aunts, uncles, cousins, and their children (all four categories which total somewhere around 4,4, 13, 9). This brings the grand total of everyone at my house...somewhere in the neighborhood of 41+ or -. Keep in mind that 11 of these are under the age of 6. Do I really need to go on? I will anyway...the screaming, crying, messy, beligerant children of my cousins pay no mind to anything else that is going on, and, often, while your trying to listen are trying their darndest to send you to an earlier horrific grave as they stand over your dead body chanting their voodoo chants. Satan? No. Annoying...most always.

So, if the traffic and the family Christmas aren't enough to convince you that, well, Christmas Time sucks we could most certainly look at things like...the obsession with commodity that has our nation so intrigued. This is something that is all year round, but at Christmas time it forces it's little head out of the birth canal further and further until suddenly bam! here we are fighting over toys in toy stores and fighting over games on christmas day.

All in all, Christmas is a time for anger and resentment...and then we eat right? At least that is what I have learned.

This has been Luke Snyder saying, "Tip your waiters and waitresses better...it's Christmas time you Tightwad." Oh yeah...Where's Jesus?

Thanks for stopping by...I know I sure enjoyed it!

-Luke Snyder