I wanna be an F’in rockstar…I really do. You know what though…lately everything and its brother “nothing” has been beating me down so much that I don’t even care anymore. Things are pretty chaotic in my neck of the woods.

Recently, I broke up with my girlfriend of almost three months. It was significant for three reasons: 1) It was the first real relationship I have been in in about two years. It took a while for me to get interested in another woman and to have her have those same feelings I guess…whatever the reasoning is, the fact still remains that this was the first real relationship I have been in in a long time. 2) She was a great girl and I am sad to have ended this relationship…which may sound odd for those of you who have only ever ended a relationship because you hated that significant other….but I didn’t feel like it was “right” so I ended it for posterity’s sake. And 3) It seemed to coincide with all the other crap that could be piled on my life.

I have spent much of the past two days in tears, and wondering what in the world could possibly be going on inside my head that would cause such catastrophe in my life. Depressed is probably the best word for it. Truth is…after all this I had a talk with someone who felt that I was a “lukewarm” Christian (The irony of my own name being in the label is not something that evades me…honestly). So now I wonder if everyone feels this same way…and I have no way of knowing the ultimate truth of what everyone feels.

But the problem is this: It has led me to question everything. Am I doing anything the way I should be doing it or am I just haphazardly thwarting through life gilded and guided by my heart (the trickiest little devil that ever was). In the end, after all this smashing and crushing of some of the greatest things given to me…I have decided one thing: This all can be blamed on Mr. Schafer…my seventh grade gym teacher.

I know that you must be thinking that this sounds ludicrous, but in actuality there is a lot that will make sense in just a few moments once I am given proper time to expunge the topic. So first let me explain. In seventh grade I played a lot of basketball…so much that I decided to go out for the basketball team. Well I ended up getting cut in the second string of cuts, and the guy who beat me out and played first string was roughly ten times worse than me (I know this because I played him two weeks later in one on one and beat him 10-1). I was a little jaded and pretty much dropped off the face of basketball…I didn’t even bother going out in eighth grade. So how does this affect who I am today?

Well if I had made the basketball team I would have turned out to be totally different…so this is understandable right? I am just kidding…that is ludicrous. The point I have made with this little charade? I…and I alone am responsible for the shambles that my life is in. That is it…

Thanks for stopping by…I know I sure enjoyed it.

-Luke Snyder