Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life.
~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities

Dad is not a very emotional person: When things are funny he’ll crack and smile, and when things are really funny, which is seldom, he actually opens his mouth when he’s laughing. I haven’t ever seen him cry, and as for letting his feelings be known that happens pretty seldom as well. With all of this in mind, Dad’s friend of some 45 years is dying of cancer and probably won’t make it through the week. Dad is taking it hard, and my Mom is taking it harder because of how my dad is taking it.

Funny enough it wouldn’t even bother me so much if it weren’t for the fact that Dad is at his weakest right now. I talked to Mom earlier today and was simply asking her how things are going, and she said fine. I asked her about Dad, and she started to cry and said last night after she talked to me, Dad was holding his friend’s hand and said:

“I love you, if you get tired it’s ok, you can go to sleep…”

I was standing on Times Square, and that almost ruined me. There’s something about Dad showing that much emotion, and being so caring in a forward manner, that makes me re-evaluate my pictures, images, and mental videos of what I thought a father was. So bold and triumphant, a pillar in hard times, but I guess that there are just times when everyone has things that hit way too close to home. I take notes of these things, for when I am a father.

So it’s his birthday on Friday. That’s one hell of a Birthday week right? I guess I would have a hard time celebrating my 50th birthday when my friend is dying and his family is being orphaned. Maybe it’s not as bad as I am making it…maybe…

Thanks for stopping by…I know I sure enjoyed it.

-Luke Snyder