So here’s the deal…I have a new special someone in my life. At my age, which is not necessarily too old (but still), you start thinking of every new “special someone” as a future potential fiancé. When you think about it, I am almost a quarter of a century old…and also…my birthday is coming up soon: August, 10. Since I am beginning to get older, I am worrying about every single thing, which leads me to the purpose of this very special editorial.
Some time ago a friend of mine, whom I’ll call Joe, was dating a girl who took some time and attended school in Spain for a “semester abroad.” The two of us got to talking one evening, and we were trying to decide if this girl, whom I’ll hence forth refer to as Katie, was marriage material. They had only been dating for a few months at the time of this conversation, so it was not a really serious conversation on marriage, but yet it was a serious conversation about whether or not this girl could be the one. Rest assured Joe was very enamored by this girl, but it sure got my mind wondering. I started thinking about what I have dubbed The Ideal Engagement Proposal, and what came forth from my mind was a thing of wonder and beauty.
The deal is…I thought, “What if Joe were to decide he wanted to marry this girl while she were in Spain?” So immediately I was hit with an epiphany. Ask yourself this question: What is it that girls love most when it comes to the wedding proposal? The answer? To be surprised. Now ask yourself this question: when would a girl be most surprised by a wedding proposal? The answer? When she isn’t dating anyone at all. So the solution? Picture this:
Joe’s relationship is moving along fine with Katie, and things progress to a point where he wants to get engaged, so he decides to make his move…
He writes her a letter, and in this letter he tells her that he no longer loves her and that they should stop seeing each other. She is crushed and devastated, but only momentarily because a week later Joe shows up on an airplane and kneels before her and says, “Surprise! I still love you…I was joking. Will you marry me?” Of course, she would start crying, if she weren’t already crying from this amazing display of affection. She would scream back a joyous, “Yes!” and they would probably go make like bunnies in the bushes or something.
So you might say, “Luke, this is ridiculous. In the week that she spent waiting on Joe she would learn to hate him, and furthermore no girl would ever marry a guy that puts her through this kind of crap.”
My answer? That is her problem. If she learns to hate him…she obviously sold him out to soon, and if that “kind of crap” is not the perfect surprise…then I don’t know what is the perfect surprise. I have run this past girls and they are like, “I like surprises! But that is ridiculous.” HEY! Either you like surprises or you don’t…don’t give me any of this namby pamby half junk.
Ultimately, what I have found is this: this proposal is amazing…and girls are confusing. But I figure, in the end, it would all simply backfire on me anyway. The girl I am someday dating will have heard this story, and one of three things will happen: 1) I actually want to marry the girl and to begin the process of the surprise I tell her, “I wanna break up with you.” And she recognizes it and cries, but through the tears she says, “Yes Luke, I love you…I will marry you.” The surprise is ruined. 2) I want to end the relationship so I tell the girl, “I wanna break up with you.” And she just cries…and that sucks because I’ve hurt someone or 3) I want to end the relationship so I tell the girl, “I wanna break up with you.” And she cries and through the tears says, “Yes Luke, I will marry you.” And obviously misses the point of what is happening.
So in the end? I guess I am going to have to go back to the drawing board…but in a perfect world…this sort of thing would work.
Thanks for stopping by…I know I sure enjoyed it.
-Luke Snyder